The feeling of being wasted...

Words cannot describe how I feel... Cheated, Played, Used & Wasted and god knows what not...

I hate to blame my past relationships and sins, but they unfortunately are, the main factors, responsible for what I have turned into. I remember how proud I was of my self for what I was, for everything that god had given me... But now look at me... I have become paranoid, suspicious, hyper-possessive, crazily repetitive, forgetful, broken down, and occasionally have a death wish (though am not suicidal or self destructive - thank god for the support systems I have in my life)...

What's wrong in expecting a 100% when you give a 100%???

I never do anything to and for the person I love and who loves me, expecting anything in return. 

But does that mean its Ok for that person to not give me a 100% in the same way, especially when she claims that she loves me as much as I do?.

When I Live for her, Sacrifice anything for her, Study for her, Work for her, Earn for her, Fight for her, Take shit for her, Eat for her, Dress for her, Change & Evolve for her etc. Doesn't it make sense that she too even without me expecting, feel and do the same for me?

Does it mean she does not not love me? or Does it mean she loves her self more? (Considering that I belive that she is honest about not having anyone else in her life even in the smallest way that could spell "violation".)

I guess the answer is pretty obvious even to a kid...
 

Giving my 100% and the consequences...

Giving my 100% without doubting and questioning, almost instantly, from the moment its clear to me that I care and feel about someone, has always come naturally to me in friendship and in love...
But unfortunately, most of the time, I have always ended up getting a boot back in return...
Actually in my whole life, I have never done good to anyone expecting that, he/she should do good to me in return, BUT WHAT I NEVER EXPECT, IS FOR THEM IS TO DO BAD TO ME. (The logic is simple, if I cant do good to anyone, I wont do bad for anyone either. Likewise, if no one can do good to me, then I don't expect them to do anything bad, to me either.)
Well for those saying that, I am just making friends with the wrong people...  Its true... But I don't know why, since the beginning, I have always had this belief that may be the person would see my honesty in the relationship and at least not hurt me in anyway in return...  may even learn how to give their 100% too...
Its due to this blind instant trust, that I let my Guard down, exposing my weakness and letting them take advantage of it ruthlessly.
To be honest it never hurt much being ditched in Friendship as much as it Hurt being ditched in Love...
BUT TRUTH IS, I CANNOT CHANGE!!! AS I KNOW ITS NOT WRONG TO GIVE MY 100% NO MATTER WHAT... (so I guess I should be ready for more boots LOL!!)

The Passion To Be Perfect...

Striving to be a Perfect

• Human Being
• Lover/Husband
• Family Member (Son & Brother)
  
• Student
  
• Teacher
  

 has been my Passion ever since my enlightenment.

I know that trying to be Perfect may seem to be akin to, trying to be God. But I also know that even though achieving Perfection may be Impossible but achieving excellence isn't, provided that we aim to achieve nothing less than Perfection.

I know there is nothing wrong being a Perfectionist, so there is no reason for me to change...